Resistance to in-home assistance

Tips to try if your parent doesn’t think home help is from them.

It’s only natural for us to want to hang on to our independence for as long as possible. Having the suggestion of home-based support met with denial or stubborn refusal can be par for the course, but it can also be frustrating and worrying for loved ones. When someone’s not ready, they’re not ready, but if your parent is reluctant to hire the help you think they truly need, with their happiness and safety in mind...

Take a more subtle approach
If your suggestions are falling on deaf ears, consider seeking help yourself. Does your parent have a friend who receives home help who could talk to them about the benefits? Or enlist the support of your parent’s GP: ask them to discuss it at their next appointment or organise a needs assessment so a professional can determine their safety at home.

Relating the subject to someone else’s experience can help to normalise what’s happening. “Remember when Uncle John fell and they wished they’d organised something sooner? I don’t want that to happen to us.” And you could also try changing the perspective. If your Mum and Dad live together, talk about how home care would benefit your parent’s spouse – they may be more willing to accept assistance for their partner than themselves.

It can also be upsetting when the parent-child dynamic begins to shift. Counter this by reiterating that their safety is paramount, and share how knowing they’re safe will also alleviate your worry. They may be more open to the possibility of assistance if they know it will help you too.

Mycare gives you the flexibility to choose who comes into your home and when. Explain that you could start slowly by getting occasional help with a harder task or one they dislike (such as cleaning the windows or mopping the floors). Or suggest trialing a care worker on a temporary basis.

Take a more direct approach
If your parent is a straight-shooter, talk candidly about what they might make them more comfortable. Would they prefer someone who shares their cultural background? Would a male or female worker be best? Aim to eliminate the variables that might be concerning them.

Inviting someone into your haven is a big deal, so address any fears about privacy with honesty. Might it be awkward at first? Yes! Talk through the pros and cons. Remind them that home help may be the lesser of the ‘evils’, allowing them to stay in their own home for longer.

In telling it like it is, remember, there’s nothing new about hiring someone to do what you can’t. Your parent would hire a plumber or an electrician, and a home care worker could be just as sensible an option, but for other household tasks. 

Accept your limitations
At the end of the day, no one can force someone to accept help. An accident may happen and you may not be able to control that. Although it may not be easy, if the situation isn’t critical and your parent isn’t in immediate danger, all you can do is be patient. Bear in mind too that your parent may be working through a process of acceptance. Aim to support them by letting them express their emotions about this life change, empathising and offering comfort.

With Mycare, you can choose from a range of care workers in your area, hire the person you prefer at a pay rate that suits you and select the schedule that meets your needs. To find out more, call the Customer Success Team on 0800 677 700, or email hello@mycare.co.nz.